Throughout my childhood and the majority of my teenage years, I was always the girl that didn't want to upset my parents or family, and so avoided a lot of social experiences to keep them happy. It was just the way I was. I avoided all confrontation, and chose to stay at home alone, rather than go out with friends, as the judgment and disappointed would be too much for me to handle.
Fast forward to my early 20's, and I suddenly had an Oprah 'ah ha' moment!
I was holding myself back for their own happiness, but was selling myself extremely short. I was hindering my own personal happiness, and it was beginning to show. I had very few friends, no places to go, things to do, I was trapped, I had built myself a cage, and lost the key. And because of this, my mental health was not much to be desired. I suffered from frequent episodes of depression and anxiety, and my weight was more up and down than a yo-yo. All because I was trying to make others happy.
My main issue is that I thrive off others happiness, because to see others happy makes me so happy, and makes me feel complete. The problem is that I want others to be happy so much, that I absolutely forget that my happiness is not being addressed.
So this year I decided to make a change. I can't say it was easy, but I can assure you, I am on the path to doing what I want. We all deserve to be happy, pursuing your own happiness is not selfish, it is self caring. It is putting your own needs first, which should not be seen as depriving others, because to give others love, we need to make sure we are healthy enough within ourselves to give it. If we give give give and do not give to ourselves, this will leave you running on empty. And when a car is running on empty, it will burn itself out and break down. Do you want to do that that to yourself? I don't think so.
Your probably asking, 'Okay Keeley, but how do I pursue this and gain my happiness'? The answer is simple....
JUST DO IT!
I'm not saying that I have solved the riddle and my life is just perfect, it is far from it. But from Implementing this mentality I have slowly begun to do things that make me truly happy for the first time in my life.
I have flown to Austin Texas twice, my Dad hates me for it, but I have had the best experience of my life flying by myself and experiencing a whole to country! And also seeing my girlfriend! I have left the job that was draining me of my sanity. That was extremely hard, because it goes against all of my families ideologies on work and life. They see me as a quitter because I decided to leave University before I finished the course, and now I've left my job. But I do these things because I know that my journey is at an end, and I need to move on. I trust my instincts, and my intuition is what keeps me pushing forward through my decisions.
That little voice you have in your head telling you to follow you heart, that is telling you to JUST DO IT, is working for you, not against you! But we then let other peoples mentality enter our mind, and this then holds us back further and further until we are slowly walking away from our true desires in life.
Stop holding yourself back for other peoples happiness, it will slowly but surely drain your soul. Don't kill yourself for others, it will be the worst thing you could ever do to yourself.
I love each and every one of you, thank you for reading!
Question: What is your one true desire in life? What do you dream of doing? Let me know in the comments below!
xox
